Shut up, Lucy

That's right... I'd like to shut up now.. I just wrote a song.. another one. For whatever reason it just had to come to me during a moment of inopportune time. It's okay.. I guess. Maybe somewhere in the middle of somewhatokaybutnotterribleorgreat music.

Not that you can hear it from where you are.. or that you would, even if it was shoved in your face. 

Either way.. I will post the lyrics to it, after my babbling, of course. 

Life is .... Complicated. 

What do you do, when no one really takes you seriously? What can I do, when I am trying not to cause a scene.. yet scream for help?

Can I do anything? Will you do nothing? Of course you will. That is what we all do. We fall in line. Day after day, Just stand still, don't say a word.

*sigh*

I just don't know how much I have left in me.. To give, to stay. I just want everything to go away... 

That's not true.

I don't want anything to go away. In fact, sitting in my bed alone right now overwhelms me with fear. No adults nearby.. Children are safely asleep.. and that's super for them. I'm just stuck in purgatory, however... Stuck. Scared. Alone.. And although I speak... no one hears me. 

No one...

Is this selfish? What else is a blog for, if not to be selfish... centered on ones self while they reflect upon their feelings, happy or sad.. Angry or otherwise nonchalant.... So yeah, sure. That's me.. Selfish Lucy. 

Selfish, terrible, pathetic, lonely, weak... it's nearly laughable as I drown in my tears..  roll around in self pity and regret. 

The two children are asleep.. If I left them here... they wouldn't even know. 

You wouldn't know. You wouldn't know if I left.. if I disappeared.. if I died. Who would know if I died? I'll be the one that isn't worth the funeral... Isn't worth the money it takes to bury. I'm the one... the one that no one will know. 

That's my fault. 

Right? .. That's right. 

Well.. I have so much more to say, and I just simply ... can't. Can't think of the words. So crawl into my brain, look around and see for yourself. 

If you're not too busy. 

Here's the lyrics, you know.. To that song. 

Goodnight. Or good morning.. Or... Whatever. 

------

"I Can't Make it Here"

Verse:
Hey, How's it going?
Am I interrupting you?
In your life, and the things..
And the things you do?

What's the story?
Did you find what all you need
Wasn't there, Was it there
You said you'd be?

Chorus:
Please save me, I'm going under....
Basically, I'm not okay
(Drowning in tears)
I can't make it here.

Verse:
Hey, I am here
I am standing in plain sight
But you know, that you can't
You can't make it right

I will leave,
This behind before I fall
Into death, what a mess
I've made of it all

Chorus:

Bridge:
No more nightmares
That never seem to end
Gone, a life.. that never had a friend

Ring Around the Rosie.

Okay, so I realized I have slacked off the last few times I have posted anything. By slacking off, I mean that I didn't actually go into any sort of details as to how things are going. I just simply put, "blah blah, I'm miserable" in either a few random words or a poetic form of depressive scenes. 

My bad. 

So anyway, how are things going? Well.. I suppose if we were comparing my current life to that of a starving adolescent living in the depths of the jungle who has been expelled from both nearby tribes for lack of good personal hygiene, then I'm doing absolutely outstanding. If we compare my current life to that of the average middle class american, I'd say that the short end of the stick falls on this side. 

School: Not going so well for me. I apparently suck at History (Sucking badly with a failing grade, that is) and have missed too many classes in Philosophy for the teacher to want to keep me in there.. (I have an A in there, however). I'm hanging onto World Literature with a high C, which is something I'm not proud of, but in comparison to the other two classes, I guess it's going as smoothly as possible. I'm rethinking my outlook on all of this and what I'm really wanting to do with my life. I'm looking back on some other options that have crossed my mind from time to time. So right now, I call this limbo. 

Job: He is still waiting for one. He crossed around the last turn of the race... saw the finish line up ahead.. and suddenly, everything froze. Not entirely sure what happened, as we both were pretty positive that he had this job; hook, line, and sinker. (Or whatever that saying really is.). We are not giving up, though, and a phone call on Monday should open up another door that was just recently opened at the same time, but turned down for this supposed better opportunity. 

Family: Now this is where I can talk about things that are great.. Not just great, but wonderful, amazing, inspirational, and full of love. We are a very happy family unit, with smiles and laughter always on repeat. Movies, music, television, games, food... we just want to be left alone and sustain life in our world. The girls, myself, and Adam. Family.

The only other thing left to talk about is my upcoming birthday, which I once upon a time was looking forward to. Now, however, I just feel like it will be a day of let downs and disappointment. I'm releasing my one and only solo album on that day, titled "Leftover Shelf", but who will really notice or care? I was going to have a party so I could surround myself with people that pretend to like me so I could feel social comfort, but I've already canceled that for many reasons. I guess I really would rather just skip that day altogether. It's easy enough to say that I don't 'expect' anything or I don't 'want' anything for my birthday from anyone, but that's just simply not the truth. I don't think anyone can be completely honest in saying such a thing, because I mean.. it's your birthday. You want people to care, to acknowledge that they are happy that you were born on this day however many years ago, and have become a part of their life. You want them to treat you differently, think of you out of the ordinary ways, give you something, or just feel compelled to cherish you a little more, (or just cherish you at all, in some cases). Meh. But again, the solo album... it will be around on the internet somewhere, I'm sure. So buy it, or something... or hell, just listen to it. Yeah.. I know I'm talking to probably two or three people who will read this.. but hey, only YOU can prevent forest fires. Mkay? 

Now that I have finished my ramblings, I leave you with this:

The Adam & Lucy Experience (Including our newest member, percussionist Greg Smith):

March 24th - Flying DD's; Little Rock, AR

March 30th - The Wine Rack; Poplar Bluff, MO

April 6th - The Jefferson Warehouse; St. Louis, MO (Doubtful.. but we will see.)

That's right. Also, some pretty kickass new videos and songs and such are uploaded. 

http://www.reverbnation.com/adamandlucy  

That is all. 

~Lucy

Serenity in Chaos (Poem)

(I am typing this in present time, as I am coming up with it. So forgive any faults.)

Oh, the shadows of the night

Fit around the door, so tight

My eyes wet from cold and fear

I know the end is coming near. 

But wait! Solace does find me

Wrapped in warmth, momentarily.

A breath released from those two lips

My arm closes around your hips. 

"Serenity in Chaos," my true self speaks. 

Feeding upon my soul, vulnerable and weak. 

My hands shake from cold and fear

I know the end is coming near. 

But wait! My love, I feel again.

One that will stay until the end. 

A sigh released from deep slumber, 

Only I know the devil has my number. 

The shadows of the night close in

No amount of cover can erase my sin.

My breath quickened from cold and fear,

I know the end is coming near....

 

Illusions.

Happiness.
Sadness.
Anger.
Frustration.
Confusion.
Depression.
Dreams.


Dreams. Good ones, bad ones. Very bad ones. 


Ones that make you want to never close your eyes again. 
Ones that remind you that your reality is not as bad as it seems.. 


For in the darkness of the unknown, the deepest parts of your slumber, lies a trickery, an evil so strong, that you cannot escape. 


No matter how hard you try. 
No matter how many tears you cry.. 


I will never be free...

Unforgiven

This is a song I wrote yesterday, February 21st, 2012. I don't have much thoughts for this week... Try again next week.

The link is here.
http://www.reverbnation.com/play_now/song_12271421




Verse 1
Who would ever think that you could do to me,
What you have done?
Lullaby upon my dampened sheets,
Of poison.

Chorus
Would you kindly lie to me instead
Of doing the unforgiven?
Any fool could see you’re not in your head.
Would you rather me be dead?

Verse 2
My head’s pounding from the pain you brought tonight,
Against my will.
Shaking legs from fear I cannot fight,
But you continue still.

Chorus
Solo


Verse 3
I wish you knew the beauty I can see inside,
Your darkened soul.
Someone the devil tries to hide,
When I need you most.

Chorus

Kool-Aid Rap

My kool-aid is better than yours, 
It's cooler than yours, 
It's cooler than yours, 
That is for sure.


My kool-aid is nice and sweet
I like to drink it every day of the week.
And when I'm done, I'll feel complete. 
Feel complete, 
Feel complete, yeah.



Putting socks on my 7 year old, 
She better cooperate cause it's way too cold.
She can't do it herself, why? 
I don't know.
I don't know, Yo.



~Dat's right.. Dat's right. ~


Check it:
Putting butter on her waffles, want syrup? Oh yes, 
Then she ate both of them, and then she put them to rest. 
She won't brush her hair and I don't know why
But she better hurry cause we gotta fly, 
We gotta fly, 
We gotta fly, one time, one time. 


Have a class at 8 but I'd rather sleep, 
Although I really enjoy my Philosophy. 
The teacher's kinda smart and I like to think,
But early in the morning, my brain is kinda weak.
Kinda weak, 
Kinda weak, 
That's right mayne, my brain is kinda weak. 


Things are going right all up in my life, 
Got my kids in my house and my man by my side.
A jam on the weekend to find us a drummer
We'll be making hits by the first of Summer
First of Summer
First of Summer, 
It'll be hot as hell, but we'll have a drummer. 
Oh yeah, 
Oh yeah. 


Once upon a time I thought I'd have to rob, 
I'd have to rob to find a decent job.
But now I know that robbing just isn't my thing, 
So instead I wait around for my wedding ring, 
My wedding ring, 
Had to send it to be fixed, so I could wear my ring. 
Boo-yah.. 
Yeaaaaah boy. 


This is the end of my kick ass song, 
I could have said so much, but it'd be too long. 
We gotta go wait for the bus, you see. 
So that's enough rapping for the little Lucy
The little Lucy. 
The little Lucy.. 
You've been entertained by the little Lucy! 

Quote the Raven

Blah blah, wine and blood. Insert interesting comment. 


Usually I can imagine myself a sophisticated individual. One of intellect and integrity; wit and charm; quirkiness that is just quirky, without being annoying. (Because we all know someone who fits THAT category). 


Right now, however, I am a two eyed, flesh toned monster that devours souls. 


Or something like that.. I'm not quite sure. 


What I want to do, I don't do. What I don't want to do, I do. Does this make sense? No. Do I like it? No. Can I stop it? Still, the answer is No. 


How long can I really hold this smile? Gravity is pulling down the corners of my mouth with such quickness that even the Wile. E. Coyote is in shock. And that is saying a lot, because everything backfires on him. Everything. 


Poor guy. (I assume it is a male.. who really knows?) Sympathy. That it something a lot of people apparently don't really have. Or if they do, it is skewed by their own agenda. Hah. 


"I'm well adjusted. I'm a-okay. "


Are you sure about that? 


I mean, what if.. and this is just going out on a limb here.. but what if.. what if I really am NOT okay? 


What matters? What happens? What do I do? Anything? Nothing? Nothing... that's right. Nothing. 


Because the sun comes up tomorrow.. or in the light of the last few days.. it stays hidden behind clouds of dreary dismay. 


But never the less, the sun does rise. Daylight happens. Another day follows. Food, cleaning, responsibility to others... above and in front of the responsibility to myself. 


I might crack.. but no one will ever know. Not until it is too late, I'm sure. But that won't be any time soon... or will it? I seriously don't think anyone plans for it. That is unfortunate, because I try to plan for everything. 


Which usually doesn't matter anyway.


 Meh. 


The End.