The 5:30am alarm is an evil device, one that brings even the sweetest person into a chaotic rage of momentary hate towards everyone and everything. This morning was no different. Although I had went to be rather early, my sleep was interrupted from time to time, thus overall losing a few hours in the long run. Which let me tell you, really makes a difference. But either way, I know I must get up when the alarm goes off. For if I try to lay there and sleep for just a few moments, dozing away like so many others do... I risk the embarrassment of oversleeping into a time that is far too inappropriately short for my daughter or myself to be ready for our day.
So I sluggishly dragged myself out of bed. I had already been awakened around 3am.. enough to where I actually slid out of bed and put my shoes on to take our puppy outside to do his puppy business. I put him up afterward, knowing that it would only be a couple of hours at most before he was let out again... to do more business, eat, drink, romp around, chew on everything, and cause all sorts of havoc. So there I was, once again slipping into my coat so I could walk him outside to do what he needed to do, before I woke up Melanie for her morning cereal.
Everything went as planned, so I thought. Sergeant Hightower (Sarge, is what we call him) went happily outside to relieve himself and then jumped up to the door, ready to come inside and out of the damp air. I knew he had to be hungry, since I keep him on a schedule of eating rather than just keeping out a large amount of food for him to enjoy whenever, so I placed some food and water down for him to enjoy. I pull Melanie out of bed, literally, and then proceed to make her cereal. We sit at the table, her and I, as I check my email and various other things that usually result in nothing. I can hear the puppy eating behind me, so everything is good. I keep an eye on this troublesome dog, as I have always been a cat lover. This puppy was a Christmas gift to Adam, and I have never regretted giving someone something in my entire life, until now. But as he begins to play with his squeaky monkey, I am under the impression everything is going alright.
I look at Melanie as we have a very short conversation about her needing to hurry and eat so she could brush her hair and teeth, as well as get dressed. From that short statement, to the time that I looked up again over her shoulder, Sarge had done the unspeakable. No, no, he did not make just a little small wet mess that I could be more convinced to be patient with. No, Sarge decided that he would leave me two separate places of warm, steamy, extremely foul smelling presents in our carpeted living room floor. This marks the second time in this week alone that he has done this to me, (the first time, being he left me FOUR different places). I was furious. I had JUST took him outside and had every plan to take him outside again in less than 20 minutes when I walked Melanie to the bus stop. Sarge never made a sound to indicate he needed to go outside, Nor did he ever walk towards the door.. .sniff the floor... jump on me to get my attention... or anything else that would remotely make me look back and think, "Hmm, I should have known". No, no... He was chewing on a toy one moment, and shitting bricks the next. I don't know if the monkey and Sarge had words that were unsettling, but I assure you that I had some with the bad, bad, puppy.
Once again, my living room filled with the foulest odor ever known to man. I have raised two children in diapers, and have never experienced a stench spread so quickly. This smart, extremely cute puppy became my enemy in a moment's time. He knew he was wrong, and quickly ran to his cage to be put up like a bad puppy should be. I spent the next few minutes cussing and scrubbing on the floor, then frantically spraying what I have found to be one of the best smelling "febreeze" air fresheners that actually covers up most smells. Good job to me.
Bad, bad puppy. It was bad enough the other day, I mean.... it was VERY bad. But again? So early in the morning, before the eye crustiness was fully wiped from my eyes? No, I am not happy. I am too busy to have time to figure out how to fix this dog's problem. I am starting to see stains already in the carpet and I refuse to let life become any more of an inconvenience than it already is. It might make me an "Indian Giver" as the children on the playground said in elementary school, but I feel it is time that Sarge finds another home. Adam and I know a guy who could benefit greatly from having another dog, as I believe his has since passed in the last few months or so... as well as his Dad, on Christmas eve. If there's anyone out there that could use the unconditional love/frustration that a puppy can give, it would be him. I am in hopes that he will accept it, (as he has mentioned in passing before that he would love to have him out there) and that Adam can understand and enjoy a replacement pet as a present of love and adoration that I so very much intended this puppy to be.
"What could become a better present than a lovable puppy?" Well, I'm so glad that you asked! Let us look into the world of cats, where we can find many reasons... and I do mean many... as to why cats are far better than dogs. Thankfully, I already know that Adam loves cats. As I am sure it must make me an awful person for wanting to remove the gift that I specifically brought into the family.... I am hoping that when he casts his eyes on the face of the cutest kitten in the world, (which I will be on a mission to find!) that his heart can be swayed, and the life of no carpet messes can begin.
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10 Reasons Why Cats are Better than Dogs
10. Cats treat your guests politely:
When friends arrive at your home, a dog goes into a frenzy, barking,
leaping and pawing at the newcomer. "Pay attention to me!" he begs, as
his excited nails rake a guest's linen blazer. While the dog does
everything possible for approval, from racing around the room to
bouncing like a basketball, the cat is usually nowhere to be seen. Cats
prefer to observe new arrivals from afar. For instance, under the bed or
atop the refrigerator. Maybe, if the cat is in the mood, she'll come
out to acknowledge this New Person with a tail twitch, a cautious
once-over. But that's it. No effusive greetings, no jumping on laps or
humping of legs. Invite a cat to your dinner party. She'll stay
discreetly out of the way, while a dog lusts for -- and sometimes runs
away with -- the main course.
9. Cats smell better than dogs:
Even the most dogged of canine devotees must cop to this one. There's
nothing quite like Eau de Fido, that earthy, unmistakable and not very
attractive odor. All of the scented shampoos and daily
brushing/combing/blow-drying rituals in the world can't fully remove or
disguise it. You'll find it in your car and on your clothes. No one
needs to ask if you have a dog: Their noses confirm it. Cats, with their
constant self-grooming -- performed to regulate body temperature as
well as to clean -- emit no such smell. If your cat perches on the new
loveseat when you're not home, you'll never know.
8. The cats are funnier than dogs--even if the cats aren't aware of it:
The Internet is littered with comical cat photos and videos -- hundreds
more were uploaded just as you read that sentence. Their legendary
curiosity lands them in situations that prompt giggles. Ticklish
kittens, a tabby entranced with its mirror image, a cat sedately walking
across an open file cabinet. It's as if cats have an inherent knack for
comic timing, even if they won't snicker at their own antics. And that
feline economy of size helps: Most dogs need a bigger stage to clown.
(Not to mention the need for constant applause.) But sit a cat in a sink
or place a hamburger bun on its head, and you've got instant
entertainment. It'll pose for the camera, indulge in some cat-itude, and
invent a smooth move all its own.
7. Even the loudest cat is quieter than any dog:
Most dogs will always vocalize their moods. A cat will keep it to
itself. Upset, happy, excited or just talkative, dogs bark. Loudly, dogs
announce every news event, from a stranger at the door to a new flavor
of treat. Cats, even with protesting meows over a flea bath, lack the
chops to compete with a dog's decibel level. Feline complaints are
mostly mews and occasional hisses, barely audible from another room.
Your neighbors will never call to inform you that your cat's hissing is
keeping him awake.
6. Cats are a natural insect repellant:
A cat's message to all bees, moths, ladybugs and the rest of the insect
kingdom: Don't bug me. He means it. Cats, fascinated by winged things
and crawly critters, are masters of extermination. They'll climb walls
to dislodge a spider and its web -- even in the middle of the night. A
lazy fly sneaking in through a screen door has no chance of survival.
And a poor, defenseless cricket, cluelessly broadcasting its location,
offers hours of entertainment before the cat ends the torture. The cat
who's made his home insect-free still hopes for a visiting bug -- its
got to keep those de-bugging skills sharp.
5. Cats take much better care of their toys:
Ever see a dog's playthings? Shredded rawhide bones, torn tennis balls.
They're in tatters (unless, of course, they've been swallowed). Cat toys
tend to be hugged, carried and carefully hidden in beds or baskets.
Cats keep their prizes safe from intruders who might steal that square
felt thing with the bell in it, or the sparkly ball that squeaks. And
cats firmly believe in stockpiling: A calico named Cassie once stashed
27 ping pong balls under a skirted rocking chair, apparently sensing a
global shortage. Her owners thought the balls were lost. Instead they
had become "cat collectibles." Cats also make better fashion choices
than dogs -- have you seen some of the outfits dogs allow themselves to
be seen in? But no self-respecting feline would don a hot pink hoodie
without clawing it to ribbons first.
4. Cats don't need to be walked:
A thunderstorm shakes the skies, drenching the dog walker as she waits
for her trusty pet to take care of business. It's cold, it's midnight
and this is all so inconvenient. In snow, sleet, heat or rain -- the dog
needs a walk. Demands a walk. Bring the scooper, the scented disposal
bags and patience. Meanwhile, a contented cat sits smugly in the window,
unaffected by the downpour outside. A quick trip to the litter box and
the cat's set for the night. Even on a sunny day, cats wouldn't dream of
asking for a walk. Wear a leash? Yeah, right. Try placing a harness or
leash on a cat, and watch how it squats, thinking that colorful ropy
thing has somehow tied it down. What, you want the cat to lead the human
around while wearing that? Please. Save it for the dog. Who must be
walked. Again.
3. Cats enjoy bringing gifts to loved ones:
Hunters at heart, cats are miniature versions of their wild forebears,
the lions, tigers, cheetahs and jaguars of the world. But cats can't
down a wildebeest in your backyard, so they settle for smaller prey --
and share it with you. A gift offered by a cat, whether a mole, bird or
unidentified critter part, is the highest tribute it can pay, proof of
devotion to you. Yes, you'll be nauseated by this gift. But as with any
present, you do the kind thing. Say, "Oh, thank you, kitty, that's so
sweet of you." And that makes the cat's day. Sometimes, indoor-only cats
offer gifts, too: a small stuffed toy, presented with a loud meow,
says, "I've been looking all over for something you'd enjoy."
2. Cats and Laser Pointers: Entertainment tonight, tomorrow, (and anytime):
Before the moving red dot became a cat's most favorite activity, felines
had to settle for chasing a flashlight's beam. Boring! Then, the
arrival of that dancing pinpoint turned cat play into a fast-forward
ballet. Cats never tire of racing after that elusive speck. Slapping
hopeful paws over it, they're baffled when it seems to escape. Where
does it go? No matter, they're hot on the trail, and getting a
cat-cardio workout while they're at it. While a dog will chase a ball,
he has no interest in whatever that flashy, red thing is. Why pursue
something if he can't fetch it for a reward? But cats know the laser
pointer's real reward is the chase itself. And someday they really will
nab that little red sucker.
1. Cats purr when they are hungry or happy:
No sound in the world rivals a cat's purr. Its thrumming rhythm alerts
helpless kittens, assuring them that mama cat is nearby (along with the
milk supply!). That comforting buzz tells humans that their feline
friend is oh-so-content with life. Stroke a purring cat's side, caress
its chin and feel the gentle rumble for instant stress relief. A hungry
dog will plead for food by dancing at your feet or planting a nonstop
wet kiss on your face; a cat sits pointedly near its dish, purring
confidently because dinner is about to be served. Cats don't mind if you
gripe about your day or spend too much time online; they'll sit nearby,
with that softly motorized sound subbing for conversation. Who needs
words when a purr says it all?
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And with all this said.... the puppy has created another mess and I am off to tend to it.
*insert angry words*
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